Friday, 19 December 2008


My Father hits my sister in an alternative Christmas present
My town re imagined, re mapped
The drama occurs off screen
And I inhabit the aftermath
A sibling conspicuous by her absence
And a parent puffed up despicable with self righteous excuses
Another dream with violent passages
Echoing the realities suppressed
Unbounded in the dead night heat
However aloof once thinks one may be from certain subject matter
However detached or cold
Something must seep through into one's loam foundations and poison the water supply
Yesterday I reflected onto my elder, and vice versa
Whilst the fire water scoured the inside of my head
The sex sweated out my angst and fear and nurtured new buds but that was all conscious
And when I wriggle in mosquito night Something surfaces
And familial guilt that refuses to die but instead sits lurking beneath the radar, Strikes with a vengeance,a part of me as much, if not more
Than any of this present reality
I'm taking responsibility for my happiness
but to the untrained eye that might seem similar to taking the piss
Waking or not, I'm learning lessons
Reflecting on the heart pounding horrors before
And mint tinged night in a second rate discotheque
Green European beers and barbed revelations of what I already knew but couldn't embrace as ours
We're thrown into a world but we're not alone
We carry fragile umbilical connections through which love flows
Connections that strain and sometimes snap when fists are raised and blood flows
A flush comes right now
In retrospective empathy and shame
No answer will come from writing this
No forgiveness or resolution
But no hurt will grow either
Isn't that a beautiful numb dead end?

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